Today on the lesson Vic. said something about her friends. My sarcastic answer meant nothing but my disbelief in the concept of friendship itself. I think that very often we misuse the term “a friend”. We call our friends people who can be anybody from a “nodding acquaintance” to a playmate or a fellow student. But what are friends in this connection? Are they people who we can trust our life and secrets with? Can we be SO sure of anybody? Can we say that WE are ready to risk anything of ours for the sake of other people who we call friends? I am doubtful.
I guess I don’t have them. They simply have not been given to me from Above. (It's very probable that I don't deserve them.) I had comrades, companions, schoolmates, group mates, but not friends. I am not envious of those who say that they have (or had) friends, for that simple reason that I don’t believe in friendship.
I guess I don’t have them. They simply have not been given to me from Above. (It's very probable that I don't deserve them.) I had comrades, companions, schoolmates, group mates, but not friends. I am not envious of those who say that they have (or had) friends, for that simple reason that I don’t believe in friendship.
25 comments:
I am also very dubious about real friends. I believe that friends are just people with common interests, but as soon as you have changed your interests and sometimes just a part of them, your friends go away and you have some new ones. I also agree with you, E.Yu. about the misuse of the term. When I say friends I mean mates of different kind. I have colleagues at work who I call friends (but I will not tell them about my problems). I call friends my former groupmates, however I will try to avoid lending them money (sorry to confess). There are some people to whom I am quite attached, like E.Yu. but we meet rarely, more often we phone each other or write on the net. I will ask a questing to imitate the topical post - Do friends do that? Who knows? Maybe I am too old to have friends because the innocence of youth has passed long ago?
Your posts have got me down. I am not sure I have friends, but not because they are not given, i think i am not ready to sacrifice anything for them. If asking questions - the question is not Hamlet's "to be or not to be", but Montgomery's "to give or not to give". Those who give away have back. I hope you understand what I mean.
P.S. Thank you, the Cleverest for the explanation about the print. I tried to use it and it seems to be working
(Silence)
We can't be absolutely sure of our friends. Now they are, tomorrow they aren't.
Sometimes we can not be sure of anything(
And for example, this is an actual "problem" for me. Because I'm ill(I've got pneumonia) and some of my friends call me, they see me...But some people who I really expected to...don't!
However,I think it's normal for our life. And frankly speaking I don't need a lot of real friends, I'm just afraid of losing "my" people...
Oh, my poor Silence,
I wish you to get over and the sooner the better, for I miss you much.
Can you imagine my surprise when you were absent from the lesson, I at once understood that something had happened to you.
As for your saying about "your people" - I think I get what you mean. Maybe friends are people with whom we can be completely ourselves without any excuses. By accepting us they become part of us - 'our' people.
So, before I entered the university I was sure that A REAL FRIENDSHIP is just a myth. It is a glossy picture that just was formed by films, by literature or something else…
But now I know that it is a reality. Today after nearly two years of studying at university I have four real friends. And together we passed threw different situations, we had coped with different problems. Friendship is a thing that makes you take something and give something. I don`t have a friendship or trustful relationships in family. But I have friends. And I know whom I will call when next time I want to share the news that make me be on the top of the world or on the contrary…my eyes will be full of tears…And by the way I can delay all my deals in order to listen to and help my friend. I can honestly say that I give a part of my soul, my power, my wisdom but also I am given it when I need.
you are so pessimistic. E.Yu' you have 1 main friend, you are the lucky. I always believe almost everybody who surround me. I call them friends, there are 4-5 people. We know each other for some years and there were many happy and unhappy moments. But we are still together, Yes, I agree that we are changing. But we may realize it and drift. We never can protect ourselvs at all.
"Maybe friends are people with whom we can be completely ourselves without any excuses. By accepting us they become part of us - 'our' people"..I totally agry. And I also think that friends are people with whom you can really relax not only your body and mind after hard day but also your soul
Dear E.Yu, I'm very glad to see your message))) Thank you very much!!!))))
ps Yeah, people who accept us like we are...These people are very important in our life. It's like a gift. In my opinion we can find them not only in friendship but in love or in family.
I remember that once you said that people who don't have real friends have something else (love, for example) and and vise versa.
I'm absolutely agree with you.
Pps Oops!
I absolutely agree with you!
I'm so sorry for that people who don't believe in a real friendship..Just because it EXCISTS at the matter of fact.. But, probably, not everybody can meet that true friend..Nobody knows, who decides whether you will meet YOUR man or not. May the person himself decides whether he need such real friend.
But if you have him,be sure that you're lucky man))) Because(as I think) true friend is not only the man with whom you spend free time pleasantly, it's a person, who is always, in any situation (bad or good or even VERY bad) able to help you,to support you, to listen to you...But what is more, true friend is able to rejoice for you, as for himself...
Confucius said that a man may have 5 friends.Three friends that do good and two friends that do harm.
The friends that do good are a straight friend,a sincere friend, and a friend how has heard much. The friends that do harm are a smooth friend, a fawning friend and a friend with a glib tongue...
I completely agree with this quotation. Every person have his or her minuses and pluces. This people help us to build our life, our views...Some may counsel you, with another one you can just gossip or go on shopping. I think that one person can`t combine all this qualities, that`s way I always try to hold large round of relations...
enkeli said:
Hello, everybody! as for me, I believe in real friendship! I have got a friend I'm really in love with! It's said that there is no feminine friendship, that's why we call each other "brother")) a year ago we had something like crisis in our relationship, because we entered different univercities and it was very difficult to get used to meeting each other so rarely. we quarreled a lot, didn't speak to each other for 3 monthes..but one day we accidentally сame across in the street, kissed and forgave everything each other, without any words. now we are "brothers" again!
since that I'm really sure, that nothing could destroy real friendship!
As for me,I believe in friendship,despite of many difficulties i have. For example some years ago life brought me with my real friend,but unfortunately we had too many quarrels, so we don't communicate with each other any more,but I confidently can say that I'll help her if it's necessary no matter what may happen.I think real friendship as a real love lives in our hears and if it is real -nothing may break it.
You all write that a friend is someone who will help you in the moment of difficulty - but the most funny thing is that helping in difficulty is easier than sharing joy. And as it comes to joy - your friends disappear - as they envy. Friendship is a myth. we just feel comfortable with it.
especially it sounds funny when somebody has 5 'real friends'! Sorry for sarcasm...
Montgomery - it is 5 basic categories. Try to look closely at you friends and you will understand what I am talking about.
Love seems forever,
Love never ends
Until these dreaded words
"Let's still be friends"
It's pretty difficult to define the word "friendship". I think that real friendship still exists, but now people are more egoistic and selfish. That`s why it`s so difficult to find a person that can understand and support you in hard moment of your life.
Often the best friends we have from childhood. - For me, the true friend is someone with whom you could be absolutely sincere, trust him or her completely and be able to tell everything.
I can say without any doubts that I have got real friend. And I completely agree with Little_switcher – “if you have friend, be sure that you're lucky man)))” Life is nothing without friendship.
"Being friendless taught me how to be a friend. Funny how that works".
Colleen Wainwright
To my mind, there is no clear determination to the word "friendship". For each one of us it is different. It's like a religion. Some people believe in it and others deny it. And all of them are right in their own ways. As we know many of our positions, beliefs and opinions are forming under the influence of various circumstances of our live. And sometimes we change or just correct our outlooks and ideologies on some things.
To my way of thinking, friendship can't be perfect but it can exist in the world of people. For instance, now I can't say that I have real-real friends, but nevertheless it I have close people whom I really trust. And I can't give the definite name to our relations, I mean whether it is a real friendship or not..They are convenient for me and people with whom I rub shoulders and in my view it's the most important.
Dear Onyx, here you say exactly what "friendship" means nowadays: "these people are convenient for me". We all define people as somebody who gives us something. Whereas a friend, I guess, is somebody to whom we are ready and glad to give something ourselves, and at the same time none of us seeks for receiving this something. We are together not because we want something from each other but because we have mutual desire to share/ give away what we have. And I insist on our not having such friends anymore. Poeple have changed. Don't decieve yourself.
Dear,Montgomery. When I wrote the words "my friends are convenient for me" I meant that I'm convenient for my friends too in all ways,i.e. if they ask me for help or something else I'll be ready to do for them everything I can. I have never used my friends for some benefits. And it gives me a lot of pleasure to be necessary for my close people and give them pleasure..Dear Montgomery,I'll ask you not to make up some things I didn't imply next time. I've already understood that you have rich imagination)
no no no! I can't agree with Montgomery that "Whereas a friend, I guess, is somebody to whom we are ready and glad to give something ourselves, and at the same time none of us seeks for receiving this something". no!!! I have real friends with whome I can jast spend a good time, with whome I can be myself without any complex, I can do what I want! And at that time we never do something and never wait for receiving this something. we jast enjoy time spending together...
oooohhhh....it is very very controversial question about friends....
Dear Onyx. Let other people judge about my imagination. I interprete your words the way I see them and will continue. Regards.
Well...
I agree that this question very controversial and difficult. Espesially for me... I have friends and I love them, but unfortunately a cannot say that I trust them as well as myself. There are a lot of things which I'll tell nobody. It's very sad but I haven't got a real friend who I can tell all my secrets, all my feelings, open my mind and be sure that this person will never betray me.
Probably it's my guilt because I'm rather closed person and I'm used to rely on myself only. I don't know... I believe in real and unselfish friendship anyway but in my opinion it is veeeery rare in our society which overwhelmed with egoism, selfishness, cowardice and wish for dominating at the expence of others. So I don't want a person who have got "real" friend...
I believe in real friends. Those people who through your life have never done you bad whom you could trust seem to be your real friends for sure. One must just learn to trust and not to be afraid that people will harm him
As for me, frienship is the important part of my life. I think that only one or two persons could be a real friend. I don't understand such situations when people can call a friend a big number of people.
Friend is the person whom I can open my soul.
In my life there are 2 girls whom I consider as my best friends.
I found some proverbs about friendship and I'm completely agree with them:
-Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
-Best friend is like a four leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.
-When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.
-Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
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